Chairman Wow!

October 3, 2009

You know those reviews that make you go, “WHAAAAAT?!”

Filed under: Uncategorized — Carly J Hallman @ 2:57 pm

Dear Austin Chronicle food reviewer person,

Your piece on India Kitchen is well-written. You use many large words. There is a nice variety in your sentence structure. You make heavy use of italics with all of your Indian food dish names. Your language is lovely. But, hold up a second. This isn’t a literary talent show! This is a restaurant review…And, I mean, are we even talking about the same place?!

The India Kitchen that I experienced is a shoddy little joint in a bad strip mall on E. Riverside. The dining room’s atmosphere made no effort to remove me from the trashy strip mall location. The food was almost intolerably greasy. The naan bread was…well, let me put it this way– the owner proudly told us that he had, “stowed a few pieces of it in his freezer for FIVE YEARS before I took it out and ate it, and it tasted the same!”…Um, yeah, freezer burn usually doesn’t override bad.

So, Mr. Reviewer, tell me: are we talking about the same India Kitchen? Did the owner know who you were and when you would be dining (breakin’ all sorts of food critic rules)? Was the buffet photo staged? Did you actually dine there, or did you simply read their menu?

Because I have my doubts.

Sincerely yours,

Chairman Wow!



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