Chairman Wow!

August 25, 2009

Bad TV: Jon and Kate

Filed under: TV, Uncategorized — Carly J Hallman @ 2:40 am

Bad TV is like bad wine–  it’s juicy,  easily accessible, comes in a box, occasionally induces projectile vomiting…and I love every dizzying, stumbling, sloppy minute of it.

Back in my Texas trailer park teenage years, I would kneel upon my parent’s slip-covered sofa and chant my daily prayers (Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!) to TV gods Springer and Montel. Now that I’m a somewhat well-traveled twenty-something abiding in an apartment (concrete foundation, baby!), I like to think that my taste in bad TV has matured along with me.

Exhibit A: Jon and Kate Plus Eight. The tabloid “gossip” surrounding this mismatched couple and their small army of munchkins is unavoidable, but the beauty of the show is that prior knowledge of Jon’s discount strip club adventures and not-so-wild affairs is unnecessary for the TLC series to qualify as “bad TV”. This show is trashy all on its lonesome.

Watching Nazi-Mom Kate verbally berate Jon is akin to watching Olympic level insult-gymnastics (if only there was such a sport). No wonder he ran off with a twenty-two year old! Poor hair-plugged Jon can’t do anything right…he’s like the toothless, puppy-eyed hick who thinks his 400-pound girlfriend took him on Jerry Springer to propose, but instead finds out that she brought him on national television to confess that she’s been cheating on him with his neighbor Bobby Jo, countless transvestites, and an alligator she met at ladies’ night in a swamp. So, yeah, he’s a lot like my ex-boyfriend.

If they hired me to write copy for the back of the Jon and Kate DVDs (hello, dream job) I’d pitch lines like:

  • An in-depth look at a snail-slow castration!
  • Insert DVD. Remove Man Card.
  • Watch the series from the beginning and watch a woman with a disturbingly severe haircut completely break a grown man down!
  • Like drinking wine from a box…if it wasn’t so entertaining, it would be sad!

1 Comment »

  1. Hi, this is a comment.
    To delete a comment, just log in, and view the posts’ comments, there you will have the option to edit or delete them.

    Also, “I am going to DO THINGS I HAVE NEVER DONE BEFORE!”

    Comment by Tristan — August 26, 2009 @ 2:33 am

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